


This Be The Place of Me

by StrawberryLane



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (mentioned) - Freeform, Bucky Barnes-centric, Bucky finds a home, Bucky finds himself, By The Sea, Road Trips, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 01:12:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6544387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryLane/pseuds/StrawberryLane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barnes never thought he'd be the type of person to find calm by the sea.</p>
<p>But apparently he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Be The Place of Me

**Author's Note:**

> I spent a couple of hours walking by the sea yesterday. The sun was shining and it was absolutely lovely and also very quiet.

Barnes never thought he'd be the type of person to find calm by the sea.

But apparently he is.

He never set out to find himself a home by the sea. It wasn't in his daily planner or on his list of five year goals. Not that he ever did have one of those, but if he did, the sea wouldn't be on it.

Every single thing he reads about himself, about Bucky, about James, about the asset, tells him he's a city boy through and through. Born and breed in New York City. But while Bucky and James and the asset are all him, he is none of them. They tell him who he was before, who he should be, both now and then. Who Steve wishes he was.

Barnes spent weeks that turned into months trying to remember, and he does. Flashes of his old life flies across his eyelids when he closes them, but he accepted long ago that he will never be who he was. He will never be who Steve wants him to be, the man Steve grew up loving. And it makes him feel sad, but not as sad as Steve was when Barnes left to find himself. He's a new person now and he has to build himself from the ground up. Who is he now? Who is he when no one but him gets to decide what he does and what he wants out of life?

He starts out small. Changes things that ordinary people wouldn't think was a big deal. He cuts his hair and then lets it grow out again. He tries on different styles of clothing and paints his nails black, like the kid he saw at the mall. He walks through museum after museum, bookshop after bookshop, library after library. He borrows as many books as they let him at a time, catching up on history. He sits in cafés and coffee shops. He likes sourdough bread with sun dried tomatoes and herbs. He doesn't like cupcakes with butter cream frosting.

He travels the U.S.

He wants to travel the world someday, but he figures the U.S is as good a place as any to begin with. He's 97 years old, it's about time he got to decide for himself.

He stares at the statue of liberty, because that's the touristy thing to do, even though he lives in the city. He sees the White house, the Niagara falls, the Golden Gate bridge, the Las Vegas strip and eats at a whole lot of IHops. He buys a loaf of bread, butter, cheese and tomatoes and eats it, sitting on a cliff overlooking the Grand Canyon. He travels Route 66, or the Mother Road, as he finds out it's also known as. He visits all the big landmarks, sees everything you should when you're in the united states of America, according to the travel books. He visits both large and small towns, reads Jack Kerouac's On the Road in his hotel room one night when he can't sleep and spends the next couple of weeks hitchhiking across the country. Not a lot of people stop for him. One who miraculously does is an old lady named Evelyn. She tells him he should be glad it was her who picked him up, and not some crazy serial killer. He doesn't tell her he's the stuff of nightmares, how he's the most dangerous thing there is.

He travels back and forth across the land. He sends postcards to Steve everywhere he gets, because he doesn't want the other man to worry. He has a phone, one that Steve made him promise he'll keep on. He doesn't like to use it, but Steve sends him pictures of a map he pinned to the wall, with a needle at every place Barnes sent a card from.

Nothing feels like home though, not until he reaches the ocean. The sea gets so much shit for being big, bad and dangerous, but all he finds is beauty.

With Steve's help he buys a small cottage right by the beach, so that he can go swimming in the mornings if he wants to. It's a small cottage, only three rooms and a small garden with a rickety fence around it, but he loves it. The best thing about it, though? There's not another house nor another human in sight. Sure, there'll be people on the beach come summer, but the part of the beach that is around his cottage is private property. Meaning that no one will be there unless he allows it.

Which he won't.

Unless he really likes them.

 


End file.
